THE SPOOF!
Goldman Sach's Rich Employees Comments Exposed
Tuesday, 25 February 2014
NEW YORK TIMES
by I Lewis libby
Goldman Sach's tattletale Steve Strong has been exposed. He's the guy that overheard remarks of Goldman employees on the elevators going to its offices. Now his identity is no longer a secret. His twitter account @Goldman Gossip has had a huge audience of people who view remarks made the Sach's workforce.
Now that's he's out of business, Goldman Sachs has lifted the ban on company-imposed silence in the elevators.
The comments reveal a culture totally unknown to most of the other 99% of Americans. To get a feel for it why it had over a million followers. here are some remarks reportedly made by Goldman's employees:
1) I like to hang out with limousine liberals. When we go to a bar they don't notice the poor looking for handouts either.
2) Some people say greed is good. I say, "What else is there?"
3. Climate change effects all people on earth. So what's the big deal?
4) My hero? I can't choose between Madoff and Don Corleone.
5) Orgies remind me to never get married unless, of course, her net worth is at least ten times bigger than mine.
6) Hell yes there are classes of people in America. They're called fat and thin.
7) Poor people worry about things like lying, stealing and cheating. They should get a life.
8) Why don't the poor listen to self-help audiotapes on the way to McDonalds to flip burgers?
9) I like to go to Wall-Mart with friends and bet which aisle the fattest people will waddle around on.
10) The bottom line is that nobody goes to jail for illegal trading schemes.
11) I do the Eucharist if I only want one drink.
12) So, blood diamonds? You don't have a rag to wipe them off?
13) The best thing in life is to be free and independent of others; particularly women who might call you up and say they're pregnant.
14) He's an asshole; he sees the homeless.
15) Sometimes I envy poor people. They have no expectations, so they're never disappointed.
16) Hell, I don't look down on artists . . .as long as they make as much money as I do.
17) I'm a Marxist. I believe in global equalitarianism . . . of the rich.
Mr. Strong says that he isn't over with his work. He's going to assume another identity and overhear conversations of another group of people in another setting. "Who knows?" he stated. "It might be clergy, Tea Partiers, call girls. We'll see."
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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.
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