THE SPOOF!
Huckabee: U.S. Needs Anti-Sex- League
Friday, 24 January 2014
SKIRT LENGTH TO BE FORBIDDEN BY ANTI-SEX-LEAGUE
The former Governor of Arkansas, Fox News Host, and Fundamentalist Preacher called today for the formation of an Anti-Sex League. Huckabee recently has been in the news for calling for the cessation of birth control prescriptions provided to women by the government under Medicare, Medicaid, and the ACA.
He has stated, "I don't want taxpayers money going to pay for sinful fornication."
The minister-newsman said today that the Anti-Sex League would be funded by the federal government and administered by a new government agency, "The Department Of Love."
"Every school in America will have a chapter whose advisor will be a conservative pastor or Priest," he explained.
But the league won't just have students as members. After graduation, adolescents and adults will be monitored to prevent any kind of sexual activity before marriage. The surveillance is to be carried out by local police forces in co-operation with the department of Homeland Security and the NSA.
"Police departments are already purchasing drones that can hover and use their cameras to spy on people looking inside their cars and bedrooms. I want the government to spend millions to supply these to every police department in America to carry out this program to preserve virginity," the minister-newscaster said.
Huckabee explained that "the sex drive must be eliminated in the schools because it interferers with Bible study." He went on to say that "God mandates virginity and it must be enforced in all adults until marriage."
When asked what the teaching of the Anti-Sex League would be in schools he said "we want to get back to the idea of the Victorian era that women do not have a sex drive. We think that would be very helpful."
He went on to say, "The Book of Jeremiah, Ch. 13 verse 26 makes it clear that sex is dirty and disgusting," and that the Anti-Sex-League pastors and Priests would emphasize that to youth.
"Well, when Adam and Eve were aware of their nakedness in the garden they became ashamed. Of what? Their genitals, what else?" Huckabee laughed.
He said that the Anti-Sex-League would be educating young people about these and other ideas from the Bible.
Huckabee said that his own personal role model of human sexuality was the early Christian thinker, Origen, who castrated himself to avoid earthly temptations, which would have taken him away from his writings about asceticism and the importance of hatred of the human body.
"Of course castration, whether done by oneself or others is a bit extreme. I mean how would the human race perpetuate itself?" Pastor Huckabee said, giggling.
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