Trump Has Big Effect On Christmas Shopping

Written by Keith Shirey

 

 

   

Topics: Donald Trump, Christmas, Pollution, EPA, Food Poisoning

Thursday, 1 December 2016

TRUMP TO HAVE EFFECT ON CHRISTMAS GIVING

BOSTON HEARLD NEWS DISPATCH

by New Correspondent Hillary Clinton

Christmas shopping is of course underway and many shoppers are taking into account future Trump Administration policies as they choose gifts.

Since Title X family planning programs and repeal of Obamacare, which provides the GOP will probably effectuate free birth control, the sale of condoms and gift certificates for IUD's has soared in 2016.

Anticipating the deregulation of the fossil fuel industry and the dismantling of the Environmental Protection Agency, buying of water purifiers, cloth face as well as gas masks has soared. Reportedly, millions of cases of bottled water are also being given as gifts.

To family and friends who were influenced by Fox News to vote for Trump, free gift subscriptions to Free Speech TV and The Nation magazine are soaring. Too, yearlong gift bonuses are given to those who have proof that they view Thom Hartmann and Amy Goodman online.

Because of Trump's thin-skinned retribution against opponents and his access to the nuclear codes, the rich are buying gifts of reinforced concrete underground shelters for friends and relatives.

Since Trump will stop federal funding of projects to protect coastlines against rising tides do to global warming, compassionate families are giving gift certificates promising relatives the opportunity to move in with them lest their houses be flooded and they suffer a suffocating, horrible death by drowning.

In the future the Food and Drug Administration will face severe cutbacks and impure food and drugs will be on the market. People aware of this are giving mason jars and other equipment for friends and relatives who wish to be engaged in canning food. Some are giving copies of Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle" to show those who receive them why it will be necessary to buy meat from other countries due to the danger of dying when consuming U.S. meat products in the future during a Trump Administration.

Gift certificates for pharmaceuticals to be purchased in Canada or other civilized countries are increasingly popular.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.