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THE SPOOF!
Chris Christie Slips On Banana Peel At Howard Stern's
Saturday, 1 February 2014
PROBABLY THROWN ON STREET BY A TEACHER
NEW YORK TIMES
by Lois Lane
New York- A former Port Authority official at the center of the George Washington Bridgegate scandal today called Gov. Chris Christie's a liar. "He knew about the closure of entrance ramps to the bridge which caused massive traffic jams."
"Hell, he ordered it in order to embarrass the city mayor he didn't like so her voters would blame it on her. "
Christie now confronts federal investigations on two fronts: the lane closures in Fort Lee and the contention by Hoboken's mayor that the administration threatened to withhold Hurricane Sandy recovery aid if she did not win approval for a development project.
With this background, it was unfortunate that the Governor slipped on a banana peel as he exited his limo to go to a party in honor of shock jock's Howard Stern's 60th birthday in Manhatten.
As he lay on the ground no one extended a hand to help him get up. "I can't do it, he's too damn big. He hasn't lost that much weight," said the limo driver.
As he struggled to his feet, reporters and photographers swarmed around the governor shouting questions at him. Christie eventually got up but seemed dazed. He looked at the assemblage and spotted one of the female reporters from AP, Virginia Ullums, a 4'9" frail 60- something- year old.
"You don't look like no reporter to me. You're one of those damned teachers."
As happens usually when he spies an educator he got into her face, spitting angry words at her. {Christie has had repeated confrontations with teachers - typically small and female - over salaries and pensions in New Jersey.)
An aide had to restrain him and take him inside where the party was being held. As he walked into the building reporters wanted to know just how big a crook and a liar he was, whether he was actually gaining, not losing, weight, and whether he yelled at his wife at home.
Once inside the Hammerstein Ballroom in Manhattan he was introduced to such celebrities as David Letterman and Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler.
But it was in one of the corners with Jon Bon Jovi, Stern and the many porn stars the governor seemed to relax. He seemed to particularly revel in Stern's famous fart jokes.
He needed the relaxation with the upcoming federal hearings into potential corruption, which could well end his hopes for a run at the 2016 Presidency.
That would be slipping on a huge banana peel and hitting a political bottom from which he would never recover.
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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.
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