Tuesday, January 24, 2017


If you want to celebrate the National Day of Patriotic Devotion officially proclaimed by Mad President Snapcase, you’ll need a time machine: The proclamation applied to Friday, the day of Donald Trump’s inauguration, but was only published in the Federal Register, making it official, on Monday. That’s OK, if you joined us here at Wonkette for the inauguration livebloog, you probably observed the National Day of Patriotic Devotion with heavy day-drinking, the same as you celebrate every holiday. But let’s take a close look at what we were all drunkenly celebrating, even if we didn’t know it!
The proclamation was probably written by Steve Bannon and Stephen Miller, who also reputedly perpetrated Trump’s “self-written” inaugural speech, because there’s no way in the world Donald Trump would pull off sentences with even this level of complexity:
A new national pride stirs the American soul and inspires the American heart. We are one people, united by a common destiny and a shared purpose.
Freedom is the birthright of all Americans, and to preserve that freedom we must maintain faith in our sacred values and heritage.
Our Constitution is written on parchment, but it lives in the hearts of the American people. There is no freedom where the people do not believe in it; no law where the people do not follow it; and no peace where the people do not pray for it.
There are no greater people than the American citizenry, and as long as we believe in ourselves, and our country, there is nothing we cannot accomplish.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, DONALD J. TRUMP, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim January 20, 2017, as National Day of Patriotic Devotion, in order to strengthen our bonds to each other and to our country — and to renew the duties of Government to the people.

Read more at http://wonkette.com/610868/trump-declared-his-inauguration-day-the-greatest-patriotic-day-in-all-of-north-korea#9ub8QXt0zIRsfFrb.99