The easiest way to have the FBI start a file on you is to write a left-leaning guide like this on Amazon. The FBI loves to spy on private citizens using the internet, so they may start a file by reading some innocuous message you posted on the internet.
Another easy way to get an FBI file started is to write the FBI requesting your file...If you don't have a file, the FBI will start one, because they figure you're up to something rotten, if you request a file. It was easier to get a file going in the 60s when Nixon had an enemies list the size of the New York City phone directory. But hope springs eternal, now that Bush has a second term "mandate." Ashcroft may be gone, but the witch hunt is just beginning!
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PART I. RADICAL NAME DROPPING WILL GET YOU EVERWHERE
Do a lot of name-dropping of these authors on subways, internet chat rooms, cell phones, campus ROTC meetings and church picnics:
Saul Alinsky is a good starting point in your quest to get an FBI file started. Rules for Radicals Saul Alinsky wasn't nearly as radical as some of his peers in the Sixties, but anyone named "Saul Alinsky" just has to be a disgruntled intellectual with an ax to grind.
If you say,"How about that Noam Chomsky fella?", within earshot of an undercover agent, he will follow you around for weeks.Propaganda and the Public Mind
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PART II BOOKS TO CHECK OUT AT THE LIBRARY OR BUY AT AMAZON TO USE AS PROPS
Rejecting the consumer culture is downright unpatriotic. No Logo: Taking Aim at the Brand Bullies.
This recipe book will get a SWAT team to your house in a matter of minutes. The Anarchist Cookbook.
The FBI is certain to be interested in you if they think you're "paper tripping" (going underground to change your identity). The Paper Trip II.
Homegrowing manuals will get the FBI searching for weeds in your vegatable garden. Marijuana Outdoors : Guerilla Growing.
Quote the speeches in this Malcom X book incessantly. The FBI will stand up and take notice, particularly if you're a white guy, like me By Any Means Necessary (Malcolm X Speeches and Writings) (Malcolm X speeches & writings).
You will discover that the F.B.I. has it's own private interogation rooms in airports, if you put the Koran in your carry-on luggage The Koran (Penguin Classics).
It will make you snooze within 5 minutes of opening it, but the "Das Kapital" is for display purposes only. Use it as a prop, carry it around everywhere you go. Thump on it to emphasize a point!Das Kapital, Gateway Edition (Skeptical Reader Series).
Don't buy this book, go to the bookstore and ask the clerk if you can borrow it for a few days. The most hilarious title for a book ever. Steal This Book
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PART III. DEVELOPING A FASHIONABLE RADICAL CHIC STYLE
Since police and federal agents are simple minded morons who beleive that all radicals look alike, they are constantly searching for folks who met a certain profile of how a radical dresses. Any kind of traditional middle eastern clothing or the old stand by, the black ski mask and army fatigues of the urban guerilla never fails to push the FBI's buttons. The old Black Panther Party fashion statment of a black beret, black leather jacket and dark Rayban sunglasses is passe because most cops will profile you as either Eurotrash, or a slumming Wall Street investment broker.
You don't have to read this book, but you should look like the guy on the cover...Che Guevera CHE: Diario de Bolivia (Spanish Edition)
Che is a bit old school and with a few cometic modifications you can look like the newest menance to society, Osama Bin Laden <product no longer available> . The Osama look is the new school gangsta look.
If you go for a more clean cut look, or if you're among the balding, the classic V.I. Lenin look V. I. Lenin on Worker's Control and the Nationalization of Industry is a great fashion statement. The close cropped haircut, tweed three piece suit and the snappy goatee give you that tenured radical look. The nice part about the classic Lenin look isalot Christian conservatives will mistake you for Satan and completely flip their Wal-Mart wigs.
The final fashion statment is the hardline Stalinist look Stalin in Power: The Revolution from Above, 1928-1941. A setback of the Stalin look is that you may be mistaken for right wing moron, G. Gordon Liddy When I Was a Kid, This Was a Free Country... besides, looking like either Stalin or Liddy scare away most of your cadre of new leftist friends.
The most radical fashion statmentment is nudity. Nudity always gets the attention of a cop and requires no investment in a wardrobe.
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PART IV: MUSIC FOR WANNA-BE RADICALS
Blast these on your boombox in front a local federal building or police station. While the music is playing do the Grateful Dead twirl, the Mick Jagger rooster strut or the Brittany Spears bump n' grind. Warning: males who do the Brittney Spears bump n' grind, do so at their own risk... Most law enforcement agents have "issues" with their masculinity.
The Battle of Los Angeles
Straight Outta Compton
This Land Is Your Land: The Asch Recordings, Vol. 1
To Is a Preposition Come Is a
Internationale
Hooked on Yodeling This isn't subersive but it will drive them crazy.
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PART V. THE RIGHT FILMS WILL GET YOU NOTICED
The FBI routinely monitors video rental stores like Blockbuster to see if you're watching too much porno or renting films that are not in the "best interest of America." Go to your local Blockbuster and loudly demand they carry more videos with "naked radical terrrorists" and rent similiar films.
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