THE SPOOF!
SNIPPETS BY KEITH SHIREY
Airlines To Issue Colostomy Bags
Airlines are reducing space between seats, they are thinner, maximum recline is lower, galleys gone - all to add rows and profits. Soon toilets will be gone, & colostomy bags issued for long flights.
written by Keith Shirey, 23 December 2013
Walmart Chief Helps Scientists
Levels of radioactivity in the US are high and scientists have no explanation yet. But Born-Again Christian, P.J. Walton. of Wal-Mart says its God's wrath for low sales at his retail outlet chains.
written by Keith Shirey, 23 December 2013
We Liberals Have Soft Hearts
Thom Hartmann TV liberal said today that people like him aren't like the hateful birthers who go after Obama. "We just say things like Bush & Cheney are sociopathic war criminals & should be hanged."
written by Keith Shirey, 23 December 2013
NRA Defends Gun Ownership For Mentally Ill
Conn. police took an arsenal from a schizophrenic off his meds and who said he would kill and maim. Under the law they had to give the guns back. The NRA backed it saying no limits on gun rights.
written by Keith Shirey, 23 December 2013
Billionaire Demands Fairness
J.P. Morgan, interviewed aboard his private 747 jet said that 98% of media space is devoted to problems of inequality. "It's not fair, we have feelings too," he said.
"People like me feel left out."
"People like me feel left out."
written by Keith Shirey, 23 December 2013
What Would Jesus Buy?
Nothing, since He and his followers gave all that they had to the poor.
written by Keith Shirey, 23 December 2013
NSA WORKERS HAPPY WITH NEW TASK
NSA workers who trolled games like "Warcraft" and "Second Life" to look for possible terrorists have been re-assigned to spying on porn sites to find the bad guys, "It's more stimulating," said one.
written by Keith Shirey, 23 December 2013
Scarlett Johansson Drives Men Nuts
Psychologists across the U.S. are treating men for a new mental disorder: They have fallen ln love with computer operating systems voiced by Ms. Johansson.
written by Keith Shirey, 23 December 2013
National Security Chief Didn't Lie
About his testimony to the Congress Clapper said "I just gave the least untruthful statement I could think of."
written by Keith Shirey, 23 December 2013
This Is Too Politically Correct
The State of Iowa licenses blind gun owners.
written by Keith Shirey, 23 December 2013
Who Knew!
In Bat Yam Israel a bomb exploded and completely demolished a bus. No one was injured because it was evacuated when the abandoned bomb was spotted. CNN news calls it "a possible terrorist attack."
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Obama Repeals Obamacare
Obama has given small business a one year extension to provide health care and, at the core of the program, has even suspended some individual mandates. There are no non-compliance penalties.
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Both Parties Praise Budget Deal
Dem. Sen. Chuck Schumer said the deal was very good. It includes cuts for wounded vets, the poor, children and the aged. Hunger will increase due to no food stamp aid. Schumer in US is a liberal.
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Kerry Deals With Crazy Karzai
Sec.Kerry wants Afghan Pres Karzai to sign a pact so US can stay there forever. But the nutty Karzi may or may not sign. I have to be his therapist the Sec. said, holding up a copy of a Freud book.
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
House GOP: Climate Change Not A Threat
A House GOP caucus determined yesterday that climate change is not a threat to the planet. They also voted that the risk of cigarets, trans-fats, asbestos, & radioactivity to health was overblown.
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
It's Christmas Time, Let's Go To Sachs!
2 Wall Streeters were talking about "class warfare." One said that Jesus condemned earthly power based on riches. Don't worry, he just wants us to shop for his birthday. No one takes him seriously!
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Here We Go Again!
Private military contractors got rich in Iraq and Afghanistan. With theU.S. now engaged in Africa, DynCorp, Blackwater, etc. have lush new contracts. "It's just like old times," said one mercenary.
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Samantha Power Seems Confused
The US emissary to the UN visited CAR, an orderless, African collapsed state with Jihadists in control everywhere, 1/2 mil. uprooted. She called for "free, contested" elections amidst the total chaos
written by Keith Shirey, 22 December 2013
Police Do Illegal Cavity Search
El Paso Co. NM cops were looking for illegal drugs. After a warrantless, double cavity search on a 54-year-old they found nothing. She sued, in response she got a $54,000 bill for the procedure.
written by Keith Shirey, 21 December 2013
Air Force Removes Drunken General
In Moscow, Maj. Gen Mchael Carey stumbled through Red Square slurring his speech, insulting everyone. He visited bars with "Cigar Lady" and picked fights. His job was to control US' nuclear arsenal.
written by Keith Shirey, 21 December 2013
United Arab Emeritis: Sorcery Is Crime
Emeriti lawyer, Mohammed al Wierdo said that being under the spell of a sorceress "messes one up." As he was talking he stroked the head of the genie from the lamp on his walnut veneer desk.
written by Keith Shirey, 21 December 2013
PASTOR DESTROYS ATHIEIST ON TV
On KROC Athiest J. Crew said "The book of Leviticus sanctions slaves being their owner's property forever" The Rev.P Fowl retorted, -Bad interpretation, God is merciful, it's just for a little while.
written by Keith Shirey, 21 December 2013
BP Accused Of Dumping Radioactive Waste
A spokesman for the big oil company pointed to the"pure, pristine waters" of a Luisiana swamp and denied there was any radioactivity in the water; he stroked a three headed toad as he spoke.
written by Keith Shirey, 21 December 2013
Kim Jung Um's Uncle's Corpse Brought Home
North Korea's Glorious One politically purged and had his uncle, Big Dong, executed. Upon examining the corpse, Um's wife, "Princess Necro" thanked her husband for his "state service."
written by Keith Shirey, 21 December 2013
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