FROM THE SPOOF!

Best Name For Super Bowl, Stoner or Bud Bowl?

Written by Keith Shirey

 

 

   

Topics: Pain Relief Medication, 2014 Super Bowl, stoners, sale of marijauna

Friday, 31 January 2014

YEAH MAN, WOW! I'M SO READY!

NEW YORK TIMES

SPORTS

by Red Grange

This Sunday the Seattle Seahawks and Denver Broncos - the NFL teams from the two sates that have legalized marijuana - will play in the Super Bowl.

"We're calling it the 'Stoner Bowl,'" said Pete "Headbutt" Sayers of the Hawks.

All of us on the team will be wearing t-shirts under our jerseys with the name "THC HAWKS."

He added, " I'm tired of being called 'Headbutt,' at least for this game they should call me 'Weed'."

Last night two New Jersey bar patrons got into a fist fight over arguing which term is best, "The Stoner Bowl," or "Bud Bowl XLVIII." After finding out what caused the brawl the police, reportedly doubling up in belly laughter, let them go.

Serious tweets have gone across the nation demanding to know why a cannabis-friendly musician - say, Willie Nelson or Snoop Dogg - haven't been asked to sing the national anthem.

"I'm staying home and will be watching the Super Bowl while I light up my own Super Bowl," well-known stoner Tommy Chong, of the comedy duo Cheech and Chong, wrote on its Facebook page.

How many players will actually be playing high in the game is anybody's guess. Pain is the singular constant of the NFL. Maintenance of that pain is as vital to players as mastering the read-option; they have always self-medicated to heal from the game that breaks their bodies.

And given that marijuana is a legitimate pain reliever -- especially for the migraines that can be a byproduct of head trauma -- and is far less dangerous and potentially addictive than, say, OxyContin some savvy players are no doubt using it.

The New York Times estimates that some 40 to 50% of players smoke marijuana, but most probably for recreational use.

If it's the "Stoner Bowl" or "Bud Bowl" this Sunday it will be interesting to see how many clouds of smoke are to be viewed rising above the fans' heads in the closed Met life stadium. Enough, and all the fans will get smoked.

Make Keith Shirey's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

   

   

[0 comments]

 

 RSS  Follow us on Twitter

More by this writer

Famous Man Arrested In Attempt To Feed Poor

Pasadena CA--A series of people in the U.S. have faced arrest for feeding the homeless in public spaces. Yesterday, an activist appeared to feed the hungry in Central Park in California's Rose Bowl City. The Director of Health Services for the cit...

John Boehner Calls In Exorcist

Washington-- Because of the efforts of his wife and House colleagues who carried out an intervention, Speaker of The House, John Boehner, who was the victim of demonic possession, has had the demon expelled. The rite of exorcism was presided over by...

No ER Care For Children Of Undocumented

The Republican National Committee today issued the party's "Statement Of Principles" on immigration. Among its points are: 1) We recognize that our brown brothers and sisters are human beings especially genetically endowed to do stoop labor and pluck chickens in huge farm factories. 2) While we support the work of Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, Az, and endorse his concept of a "Te...

Kim Jong Um On Outs With Dennis Rodman

After the Supreme Leader's birthday bash he looked glum. Even his extensive collection of porn couldn't cheer him up or his nail lady, Yum Sweet Delight. Now it turns out that the fur coat given to him by Mr. Rodman on his birthday wasn't what he w...

Justin Bieber Falsely Accused Of Drag Racing

Miami Beach cops claim Justin Bieber was drag racing and drunk, which caused his arrest. But Sgt. Joe "Pinocchio Nose" Soprano and his partner Elsie "Balls" Saunders of the beach police have confessed to looking for a reason to stop the controversia...

Pot Now Sold To inmates In Colorado Prisons

In urban centers such as New York City and Los Angeles, the sale of e-cigarettes in jails and prisons is forbidden. But throughout rural America prison guards are supplementing their incomes by selling there nicotine laden regular cigarette substitu...

More fake news stories