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THE SPOOF!
"Patrol Militia" Hunts Abortion Doctors In South
Wednesday, 22 January 2014
MILITIA GUN
Meredith Calhoun, known also as "Pistol Packing Mama" of Rapides, LA held a news conference here along with J. Burnside, Elisha Worthington, Joseph A.S. Acklen, and others who are members of the so-called "Louisiana Patrol Militia." Some 16 men and women here brandished assault rifles and shotguns.
Ms. Calhoun called in the press to say that the "militia" had recently been formed to drive out "abortion doctors" from LA, SC, and GA. "There are few women's clinics left in these states but we're going to get rid of the rest," she stated.
"In effect, all across the Old Confederacy, Roe v. Wade is dead, We aim to totally kill it," she said.
When asked why they called themselves a "patrol militia" she explained,
"We operate under the Second Amendment which was ratified to preserve the slave patrol militias in the southern states. They inspected all of the slave quarters in the south, looking for weapons and evidence of possible uprisings.
She continued, "Well, today we're just an updated version of the old slave patrols, but we look for abortion doctors. In the old days the militias were there to keep the slaves in chains. And if they found that they were up to no good they got about 20 lashes."
She explained that, in keeping with that tradition they planned on apprehending doctors who worked in women's clinics, taking them to home basements and "scaring them out of our states."
"We won't chain them, but we'll have plenty of chains around so they just might reacon we will. And we'll have whips, highly visible whips, fastened to the basement walls," she stated.
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